Pondering and Practicing Resiliency

Mary DeMuth’s new book is called Everything: What you give and what you gain to become like Jesus and is scheduled for release October 16. You can preorder it here. I am blessed to be part of Mary’s launch team for this wonderful book and have an early copy to study and enjoy. Over the next few Thursdays, I will be sharing a quote from the book and some thoughts that her words have stirred within my heart. This book is wonderful, full of wisdom and stories, and will help you discover the freedom in surrendering everything to Jesus.

  Last Thursday I pondered her chapter on Cultivating Astonishment; this week let’s explore another chapter: Practicing Resiliency.

We have all heard the inspiring stories:

·      Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.

·      Film schools rejected Steven Spielberg three times.

·      The editor of a newspaper fired Walt Disney for lacking of ideas.

·      Thomas Edison tried nearly 10,000 times before succeeding with the electric light bulb. At 67 years old his factory went up in flames. Looking at the ruins he said “There is great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can start anew.”

Yet when I am down, flat on my back, squished by life’s heavy burdens, hearing the clichés and success stories of others rarely helps me. 

Confession: Knowing better, I still have offered some well-worn clichés when trying to comfort others.

A few years ago a good friend was barely surviving a sad, difficult marriage. Not yet comfortable or experienced in sacred listening, I struggled to find words to say to her and blurted out the line, “Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel.”

Her reply has never left me, “Every time I think that light is the end, it’s not. I get crushed again by another oncoming train.”

Resiliency is the rebounding or springing back after a misfortune. It is the ability to recover from or adjust to a change.

In this chapter, Mary’s words invite us to consider resiliency.

“Because after we journey through those places, we learn resilience, And that resilience brings the ability to joyfully live in the moment despite our circumstances - a holy paradox... We would rather grow in a flowered garden, not be exiled to the tumbleweed desert. Yet we can’t escape the fact that God disciplines those He loves. He sometimes sends us to hard, pressing places...We may live ordinary lives, but we are indwelt by an extraordinary God who can bring light from darkness, joy from despair. He desires that we develop resilience, such a simple yet powerful trait, as we pursue an Everything life.. because He is everything.”

In looking over my life and what has helped and hinder me when faced with overwhelming circumstances or just plain life with its devastating ups and downs, I have come to four conclusions.

1. Resiliency takes practice. Mary named this chapter perfectly. Practice resiliency. Paul writes in Philippians 4, that he has to learn to be content. Life is about learning. Malcolm Gladwell in his best seller Outliers wrote in order to have success in any field is, to a large extent, a matter of practicing a specific task, such a resiliency, for a total of 10,000 hours. We can grow in this skill; it just takes practice and practice is the hardest part of learning. 

2. Resiliency is not the rubber band, bounding immediately back from a disaster. Resiliency is NOT bouncing or snapping back. That sounds like a reaction that comes automatically and quickly. It is more like a boomerang with its slow wide curve before it returns. Like Elijah in 1 Kings, when feeling vulnerable and defeated, rest and nourishment from Lord will restore me.

3. Resiliency is not easy. But one thing I have learned is the power of gratitude. If I pay attention there will be something to be thankful for in any circumstance. To be honest, often I first look at the difficulty instead of looking at God.  But slowly my eyes lift and my spirit rises when I remember He is with me in this mess and within me all the time no matter what happens.  For that I am so very grateful.

4. Resiliency requires action. Once I have rested and partake in the Lord’s nourishment in prayer and His Word, it is time to do something. An action adds a positive energy and lifts me up to begin to see options for recovery. 

Practice resiliency.

What have you learned about resiliency?  How do you practice it?

Living, then Befriending Tension

Weeds (Photo credit: Robert Hruzek)

During this hot dry summer, the only things that have grown well in my garden have been scrawny ugly weeds. The ground is too hard to pull them up. I cut them down and overnight they sneak in the reserves and multiple.  

Over and over again.

Remember the story of Sisyphus from Greek mythology? The word “Sisyphean” means endless and unavailing task or labor. In the story Sisyphus was given the punishment to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this action forever.

Over and over again.

Living with tension is part of being human. I guess the reality of living with unanswered questions, the paradoxes each of us face in this life and never really getting rid of the tension between right and wrong, love and hate, good and evil is like an unwelcomed houseguest who never plans to leave. 

Over and over again.

Most of my adult life I thought if I worked hard enough or was good enough, this internal dilemma would be resolved. I used to think it was my entire fault. If I only tried hard enough, the tension inside of me would disappear. I remember writing in my journal once that I was so exhausted from trying so hard.

One of the greatest gifts I have learned in spiritual direction and in the past ten years of spiritual formation is that this internal struggle, like weeds or Sisyphus or unwanted houseguests is here to stay.  Even the Apostle Paul wrote, "when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10). We are both saint and sinner.

How can we live, even befriend tension?

I attended a wonderful presentation by Wil Hernandez last Saturday. He is an expert on Henri Nouwen and featured his latest book, Henri Nouwen and Spiritual Polarities, a Life of Tension. 

“All of creation - animate and inanimate - follow certain rhythmic patterns that are recognize not only to poets and artists but to practically anybody who takes the time to reflect and notice them. Just as the ocean tides ebb and flow, so does life. As the sun rises and sets, life too comes and goes...our entire journey is filled with tension form which there is no escaping.”

He said that tension creates the friction that helps move us closer to God. In our weakness we find God’s strength. Jesus is fully God and fully man. The fullness of his humanity does not detract from his deity. The fullness of his deity does not lessen his perfect humanity.

God is both far and near, beyond and within. The heavens cannot contain God and yet God dwells in the hearts of human beings.

I am thankful I am no longer resisting my humanness and welcome what living each day with incompleteness teaches me.  I am gentler with myself when I fail even when I had the best intention of succeeding  And I give myself permission to sit quietly with unanswered questions.

Not everything has to be black and white. Either/or. I can hold lightly in my hands and accept “both/and.” 

Life just isn’t neat and tidy and will never be. And that is ok. I am beginning to live and befriend the tension. 

Over and over again.

I am not sure if any of this rambling makes any sense today.  I would love your input into this conversation.

Lord, to Whom Shall We Go?

Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go?

You have the words of eternal life. 

We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

John 6: 68-69

“Lord, to whom shall we go?”

We sing these words in our liturgy each Sunday, Lord. Often forgetting who said them first and to Whom.

How could I go anyplace else, Lord?

Once I have danced in Your light and hid in Your protective shadow.

Once I have tasted Your sweet goodness and heard Your word.

Once I have been swept away by Your powerful love.

Once I have caught a glimpse of Your majesty.

Once I tore off all my masks and stood vulnerable, open to You.

Once I have been cleansed with Your forgiveness.

Peter’s answer is so simple. Honest. True

You are the Holy One. Once my life has been transformed by You, there is no other person, place or thing to turn to.

You are everywhere and everything.

You are my All.

You are the One.

You are the Way. The Only Way.

“Lord, to whom shall we go?"

You and only You.

Creativity Quote - Taking Back my Crayons - Hugh McLeod

Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten.

Then when you hit puberty they take the cra­yons away and replace them with books on algebra, etc.

Being suddenly hit years later with the creative bug is just a wee voice telling you,

“I’d like my crayons back, please.“

Hugh McLeod

Cultivate the Discipline of Astonishment

Mary DeMuth’s new book is called Everything: What you give and what you gain to become like Jesus and is scheduled for release October 16. You can preorder it here. I am blessed to be part of Mary’s launch team for this wonderful book and have an early copy to study and enjoy. Over the next few Thursdays, I will be sharing a quote from the book and some thoughts that her words have stirred within my heart. This book is wonderful, full of wisdom and stories, and will help you discover the freedom in surrendering everything to Jesus.

Once a month six of us gather in a circle for group spiritual direction. Each of us takes a turn sharing where and how God has been moving in our lives. We listen intensely and intentionally in silence to each story, then after prayer share a simple response, hopefully instilled with the Holy Spirit.

Often I have to peer deep within me and struggle to find the words to describe my experiences with God. Last month I told them that since my June retreat I have felt “small, fragile, lost in a loving grandeur.”

“Small, fragile, lost in a loving grandeur.”

Mary DeMuth’s upcoming new book, Everything, first chapter is titled “Cultivate the Discipline of Astonishment.”  The title itself stopped me. Consider how astonishing God is. That a Being so omnipresence, immense, and pure love would chose to live with us and within us.

“Small, fragile, lost in a loving grandeur.”

Astonishment describes my summer experience with God.

Astonishment: 

   Amazing.

      Wonderful.

          Wonder-filled.

               Surprising.

                   Bewildering.

                        And to be honest, a bit confusing and                unbelievable.

When we pause and realize Who He Is and who we are, our only reaction is head shaking, humbling astonishment.

I try to define God, squeezed Him into a containable box, forgetting how big He really is. I can only bow as his servant and melt in His forgiving embrace like a timid child. I am dazed and speechless when He blesses me with a glimpse of his majesty and splendor. No wonder I feel small, vulnerable, and fragile in His magnificent presence.

“Christ was fully human but paradoxically was also fully God, which made Him wildly unpredictable and downright strange... God as other is untamable, unmanageable and unpredictable.” Mary DeMuth

Sometimes my God experiences take my breath away like a bouncy uncontrollable roller coaster ride. After all, He is God!

Dear wild, unpredictable, and astonishing Lord, can I really trust You as I limp blindly on this life’s journey?

Quietly I hear only one divine word whispered in my heart:

“Courage.”

What is it about God that astonishes you?

Keep On Stepping - One Step at a Time - Even in Circles

To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time,

but we must keep on stepping.

 – Chinese Proverb

I’m frustrated. 

I thought I heard what God called me to do. I prayed. I listened. I obeyed.

The only message I continue to hear from God is this: Complete what I asked you to do.

So I try. And I tried again this morning: to finish what I believe is my next step.

Nope, didn’t happen. The door remained shut. I don’t understand. I am bewildered. I feel surrounded by an enormous wall that I can’t see beyond or get through.

Then I remember one of my favorite Bible stories: Joshua and Jericho.

After the death of Moses, Joshua became the leader of the Israelites. As they entered Canaan, the Promised Land, the walled fortress of Jericho loomed ahead of them. How would the ragtag army of foreigners who have been traveling for 40 years ever defeat that city?

Joshua prayed. God had a strange plan - The men were to march around the city once each day, for six days. The priests were to carry the ark, blowing trumpets, but the soldiers were to keep silent. On the seventh day, the assembly were to marched around the walls of Jericho seven times.

Can you image what everyone thought when Joshua shared that strategy? Is he crazy? What will be accomplished by simply walking in circles?

But Joshua obeyed.

Six days they marched around the city. On the 7th, they marched around 7 times, gave a loud shout and the walls “came a tumblin’ down.”

Joshua obeyed.

He took the next step the Lord told him to do.

And that is what God is saying to me today. Keep marching. Obey. And God in His timing will bring that wall down and lead me on.

Guess I better quit whining about this waiting time and keep silent. I can be grateful that I feel the presence of God and know I am where I should be, even if I can’t see where I am going.

God will take care of the wall. My job is to obey.

How do you deal with the frustration of being obedient yet getting nowhere?

Singing to the Lord from my Heart - Lectio Divina

Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit.

Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit.

Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord,

always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 5: 18b-20 NIV

Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord

To the Conductor of my life:

With my eyes focused only on You, I lift my instrument, my heart, ready to sing Your music.

I know I am far from the top soprano in Your chorus.  I am not in the run for the prime solo part of the concert. I stand towards the back of the choir peering around heads ahead of me, watching You raise Your baton to lead us.

But I come as I am. I bring my heart and my voice. I sing and make music from me to You.

May the beating of my heart match Your movements, Lord. 

I follow Your sacred rhythms, building with each crescendo, dancing joyfully with every staccato and paying attention when You call for a rest.

Your Spirit hums low the melody of Your love that echoes within my soul. At times I can barely hear its persistent and eternal serenade to draw me closer to You.  You, Sweet Artist, never give up on me from the first sound of the overture to last note of the requiem.

The earth is Your conservatory, filled with sounds of Your finest symphony. You orchestrate the score that I must follow.

Your lyrics and melodies raise me higher than I could do on my own. You are the only Way, the only One to follow, my loving Composer and Maestro.

My heart bursts with songs today for You.

Asking the Questions - Quotes of the Week

I have felt surrounded by questions - deep, soul churning questions lately. Thought a few quotes about living with these stirring unknowns may help me. Maybe they will help you too.

Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers;

it comes from being open to all the questions.

Earl Gray Stevens

“The one who asks questions doesn't lose his way.”

African Proverb

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.

Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is to live everything.

Live the questions.”

Rainer Marie Rilke

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.

Dr. Seuss

Satan Doesn’t Want Us to Hurry - “Someday” Works for him

I am a great procrastinator. 

Someday I will get that book written.

Someday I will lose weight and start exercising regularly.

Someday I will send that letter to my old friend.

Someday I will stop procrastinating.

I have to keep telling myself that “Someday” isn’t one of the days of the week.

Mark Twain quipped, “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

I learn best through stories. This old tale that I rediscovered this week, really pierce through my procrastinating patterns.

Satan, frustrated with the continued devotion of Christians, called his three chief devils to offer suggestions about how to undermine the Church and to stop the forward movement of Christ’s work.

The first devil said, “I’ll tell them there is no Heaven. That will lead them to despair.” But Satan responded, “I’m afraid that will not work. Whenever parents see a newborn baby, or whenever anyone sees the Milky Way on a dark night, they will know that there must be a Heaven.”

The second devil said, “Then I will tell them there is no Hell. That will take away their reason to seek the lost.” Again Satan responded, “That won’t work, either. Whenever they experience war, floods, or any other overwhelming disaster, they will be convinced of the existence of Hell.”

The third devil timidly offered, “How about if I tell them there is no hurry?”

  “That will work! Brilliant,” says Satan. “That is just what you want to say. You will have great success. Let them listen to the word of God and whisper in their ears, “This is good stuff. Someday you ought to do something about this. But tomorrow will do.”’

A good story to ponder.  What do you think?

What Am I Afraid to Give to God?

What are you afraid to give to Me?

I was surprised to hear this question today. Quieting myself following my morning devotions, I spent the next few minutes rambling on and on with my litany of supposedly important wants and needs, my prayers for others, my ever-present complaints, and a dash of praise and thankfulness for good measure. 

Finally like a spent two year old, I rested on God’s lap of love, leaning on His chest and listened to His heartbeat. 

That is when I heard Him whisper.

What are you afraid to give to Me?

What am I clinging to with clenched fists, hiding behind my back, leaving hidden in dark corners? Why is fear my reaction to giving God everything? “Shouldn’t” I trust Him with my all?

St. Ignatius called anything that hinders us from growing closer to God or doing His will a “disordered attachment.” These could be good things, just not in the right priority.

What fills my hearts first instead of God? The list is endless. Physical things - like loving my house or brand new car. Feelings: clinging to self-pity or discouragement or anger instead of love and faith. Holding tightly to a pastor, the way we used to do things at church or even my images of God. What dreams and hopes have I nailed to my heart? 

I had a friend once tell me she could never fully release her children into God’s hand. She didn’t think she trusted Him enough for that.  People often become disordered attachments.

At my last retreat I found myself hesitating to release my newly carved, finely polished self-image that I worked so hard to create after retirement. After all, my core essence, deeply rooted, held together my fragile soul. That is when I realized my ego, my will encircled my heart, not God’s loving hands.

No wonder I can’t fully grasp God when my hands overflow with the stuff of the world and the self.

But why do I fear? What can’t I trust you more, Lord? Why do I choose the path of pain and incompleteness?

All I know now is that I have to sit with this question. I softly asked God to help me see what blocks me from being fully within Him. To name all that draws me from Him. To show me how to trust Him more.

May someday I can skip on this life’s journey without heavy baggage and enjoy this gift of life.


"Here, Lord, is my life. 
I place it on the altar today. 
Use it as you will." 
— Albert Schweitzer

The Gift of Words - Lectio Divina

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive.

Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4: 29, 31-32 (The Message)

Add caption

Lord I need you to stand guard at the opening of my mouth.

My strongest and most damaging muscle is my tongue.

You urge me to watch how I talk.

To let nothing unpleasant, unclean and dishonest escape from me.

My only words should be helpful, kind, and reflect You.

Each word is a gift, You say in this verse.

Every single word, all of them, my entire vocabulary.

All sounds, syllables, expressions, and remarks.

All are gifts - from You to You and to others.

Like choosing just the right gift for the right time, help me choose the right words.

Show me how to wrapped them in their finest divine packaging.

Remind me to be generous with compliments, gratitude, and praise.

With Your power allow me to present words in such a way that the recipient enjoys and loves the gift. 

May they delight and dance within their lyrical echo of Your love.

May all my words uplift and inspire others to see You.

May they bless, not hinder, others in their path to You.

Words are powerful tools that can build up or tear down. 

I want all my words cultivate, not destroy.

May I slow down enough to hear Your gift of words from others. May I know what words to let go off and not to bind in my mind and heart.  May I soak in the ones given in love and savor them in my heart. 

Words are gifts, Lord. 

Help me to filter all of Your precious presents from Your heart through mine to others.

Let Our Light Shine, Not our Fear - Quote of the Week

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God …

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

 And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

-  Marianne Williamson

Olympic Oomphs and Ovations

(Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

I sure have enjoyed the Olympics these past weeks. Many of the stories are inspirational and encouraging. We see the story of life portrayed in the ups and downs, the striving, the unexpected twists and turns, and even the grit in picking one self up and continuing.

One neat aspect this year is the emphasis on the parent support, especially mothers. Proctor and Gamble produced this commercial honoring all that moms do to help their children succeed. It brings tears to my eyes every time I watch it.

Reminds me to express my thanks and be grateful for those behind the scenes. The teacher that comes in three weeks early before school starts to get her classroom ready and to write welcoming notes for her students. The man who walks the pews after church straightening up the mess left behind by others. People who pray for strangers and give to food banks.  So many everyday Olympians.

I saw a video few months ago of Olympic Gold Medalist and figure skating commentator (born and raised in my neck of the woods: northwest Ohio) Scott Hamilton. He shares his story and how the faith and support of his mother and his wife held him up in rough times and opened his heart to God. He reviews his life especially after he faced cancer - twice and how it changed how he prays. 

It is a powerful video and well worth ten minutes of your time to watch it.

“Who would I have been without a brain tumor? I could choose to look at it as debilitating or focus on the suffering. I choose to look at my brain tumor as the greatest gift I could have gotten - it made everything possible. The only true disability in life is a bad attitude.”

Doesn’t it must amaze you at the lessons that surround us when we open our eyes and hearts to see, hear and learn them? 

What lessons did you learn from watching the Olympics?