I Do Believe, Help My Unbelief – Lectio Divina

But Thomas, sometimes called the Twin, one of the Twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. The other disciples told him, "We saw the Master."

But he said, "Unless I see the nail holes in his hands, put my finger in the nail holes, and stick my hand in his side, I won't believe it."

Eight days later, his disciples were again in the room. This time Thomas was with them. Jesus came through the locked doors, stood among them, and said, "Peace to you."

Then he focused his attention on Thomas. "Take your finger and examine my hands. Take your hand and stick it in my side. Don't be unbelieving. Believe."

Thomas said, "My Master! My God!"

John 20: 24-28

Eight days later

Don't be unbelieving. Believe.

You know Lord, I have always felt a little sorry for Thomas.

He takes a lot of grief for his doubts. But he was certainly honest.

But as I read this today, Lord, what jumps out to me is You made him wait eight full days before You reappeared.  Eight days?

I wondered what he was thinking during that time. The rest of the disciples saw You. Heard You. Knew You were alive.

Why didn’t You come sooner and relieve poor Thomas of his doubts?  What was the point of waiting so long?

Did waiting deepen his faith? Did he start to ponder why he was the only one of Your special group left out of the good news? Did he pray during that time? Did he keep on believing?

Lord, I am like Thomas. I want to see You with my own eyes.

To touch You.

To see You.

To know You without doubts. 

Perhaps faith is believing in spite of unbelief. 

You knew when You would reappear to Thomas. You gave him time to dwell in his dark uncertainties seeking Your presence.

Did that pause intensify his desire for You?  Increase his longing to be with You?

Eight long agonizing days later You finally appear with these words,

Don't be unbelieving. Believe.

Lord, I am Thomas. I doubt. I struggle. I question why I can’t see You like others already have. I am impatient in the wait to be with You.

My heart drips with doubt as I cling to you message:  Believe

I do believe, help my unbelief.