Follow the Rules – Rules for Life for a Healthy Spirituality

Are you a rule follower?

Some people never stray far from the boundaries in life. Others push the edges or outright break all barriers. Some just rebelliously refuse to even consider any guidelines.

In this age of individualism, why would anyone even consider a rule for life? What is a rule for life, anyway?

A Rule for Life is a collection of guidelines for living. It can also be called a Way of Life. Its purpose is to help us keep our sense of balance by intentionally addressing all aspects of life: physical, emotional, socially, spiritually, etc.

Debra K. Farrington in her book, Living Faith Day by Day, encourages us to pick a practice under each of the following areas:
1. Foundations (putting God at the center of your rule and your life)
2. Prayer (finding a prayer type and rhythm that works for you)
3. Work (approaching your work as part of your spiritual life rather than something divorced from it)
4. Study (establishing a regular practice of learning more about God)
5. Spiritual companionship (committing yourself to regular companionship and community on the journey)
6. Care of your body (taking care of yourself as a spiritual practice)
7. Reaching out (caring for others and the environment as a spiritual practice)
8. Hospitality (finding ways to be a gracious presence in the world)

Writing and living within a Rule for Life is a spiritual practice that can help lead to healthy spirituality.

Rule for living grew out of the monastic movement to help monks continue to grow spiritually while in community. The first known rules were written by Pachomius who lived in Egypt between 292 and 346 AD. Daily prayers were a foundation for his guidelines.

Perhaps the best known Rule for Life is the Rule of St. Benedict from the 6th century.

Most of us already follow some type of unspoken rules each day – we brush our teeth and wear our seatbelt in the car. I kiss my hubby good bye when he leaves each morning and he calls his mother every Sunday. I firmly believe in going on a retreat at least once a year and try to write in my journal at least twice a week. At the end of each day, I ask myself what am I most grateful for this past day?

Each of us can create our own unique Rule for Life. We can fill up an entire page with statements or we can write a simple statement of beliefs. The foundation is to consider: how can I be open to the Holy Spirit and grow closer to God?

In October 2003 I wrote my own Rule for Life for the first time. I reread it several times a year noting areas I am making progress and areas I neglect. I have revised and reworded it more than once. I have a friend who wrote a longer rule for herself one year, then condensed it to four sentences as she applied it to her daily living. A Rule of Life is a living, dynamic spiritual practice.

Putting into writing my deepest desires for my relationship with God continues to be a powerful practice. Unfolding the now ragged pages of my first draft, I pray each of the lines, asking God to speak to me, to guide me in His way.

May my rule for life draw me closer to the Ruler of all Life.

Do you have a Rule for Life?

“Listen carefully, my son, to the master’s instruction, and attend to them with the ear of your heart” St Benedict’s Rule

As a side note: I now have a sign up form on the top right corner of this page if you want to get each new post as an email. Thanks!

Be Thou My Vision – Singing my Daily Prayer

“Those who sing, pray twice”

I have been using my favorite hymn as part of morning devotions this week: Be Thou My Vision.

This haunting Celtic tune lingers with me all day. Even though the words are old English with the Thou’s and Thy’s, every time I pray its message, I feel the presence of God.

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

The hymn is a prayer -- a prayer that Christ will be our vision -- our best thought -- our presence -- our light – our everything. Wonder-filled and compassionate phrases such as “Lord of my heart, Thy presence my light, and heart of my heart” enhance our worship. When we surrender our hearts and allow God to have first place in our lives, He becomes our treasure.

Heaven will be “Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.”

Make me consider:
1. What would it mean if Christ were our vision?
2. How would it change our lives?
3. How can I learn to live each day seeing Christ in all things?

My deepest heartfelt prayer is for God to be my vision. To see all people, circumstances, and nature as He does with gentleness, forgiveness, and love beyond measure.

Being a Wise Steward of Time: Where is All the Time Going?

ARRRGH! I just looked at the clock. Something is wrong. The time thief stole two hours this morning. I can’t believe this! I thought it was only 9:30, but every clock in the house (and I did look at other clocks to verify this mystery) shouts: NO, STUPID, IT IS 11:30!

Where is the time going?

People warmed me when I retired that I would begin to wonder how I ever worked a 40+ hour week as a fulltime mother and still got things done.

“You will be busier than ever in retirement.”
“Just wait, time will go so fast.”

And I have discovered their predictions to be true. Or are they? Maybe the truth is how I use time.

Where is the time going?

I make plans prayfully, but soon find what I thought would take one hour, takes three hours. Or even worse – takes all day to complete. I carefully plot my daily to-do list, but discover the day evaporating before I know it.

And is 2009 really half way done already? WOW!

Where is the time going?

I want to be a good steward of the time God has given me. The one equalizer all people enjoy is we each get 24 hours each day. The issue then becomes how we use that time God gives us.

I do NOT want to be like the servant who buried his coins for safety. One of my deepest desires is to be like the servant who used all their talents, increasing them for the Lord. I long to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” This includes in the use of my time, a gift from God.

Where is the time going? Part of the answers is in the following observations:

1. Parkinson's first law is right: Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. If I think something will take one hour when in fact it only requires 30 minutes, miraculously the full amount of time will be needed. As a freelance writer, this axiom needs to serve as a guiding light for time management.

2. I have to admit to time wasters, like the internet, twitter, and emails. Honestly I do not use all my time wisely. Technology has both its benefits and its temptations. Balance is the key.

3. Is time actually moving faster as we age? Studies show it actually is the pace that has increased dramatically causing us to feel rushed. Because we are moving faster than before and things are taking just as long as before, we feel like we are speeding up. Another theory is that, many people are attempting to cram more things into the time they have. (This is so true for me!) They are constantly multi-tasking whenever they have free time, therefore not feeling the full effects of that extra time. Whenever we have a second to spare, we try to make a phone call, while waiting for that to go through we check our emails and while our webpage loads, we do something else. This is the reason why we feel like our time is so impacted and that we have less time, because we are simply doing more with that free time.

I like the Chinese proverb: One cannot manage too many affairs: like pumpkins in the water, one pops up while you try to hold down the other.

My distorted human perception of time warps my expectations and frustrates my sense of purpose. God’s view of time is much different and beyond our comprehension. While Job laments, "Now my days are swifter than a runner; they flee away, they see no good. They pass by like swift ships, like an eagle swooping on its prey" (Job 9:25-26), God holds time, creates time, and places His time swaying on the continuum of eternity – no beginning, no end.

Where is the time going? “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.” (Carl Sandburg)

Where is YOUR time going?

Staying Put on my Nest

The idea of staying put sounds like a dull, unsuccessful lifestyle. Doesn’t the world tell us to make progress, keep growing, and be productive? Aren’t we all supposed to set goals and work on them steadily? And as children when we misbehaved, wasn’t being sent to our room to “think about what you have done” part of our punishment?

We live in a restless world.

Currently we pursue overstimulation, being bombarded by noise, lights, action, instead of a more peaceful, ordinary path.

What is the value of putting down roots and staying put?

I have been pondering this thought lately with my personal frustration with my local church and the temptation to go “church shopping.” My husband wants to stay put as he says, with much truth, that all churches are composed of humans being that bring the same set of wonderful and irritating traits. And it is not a problem that I disagree with my church’s theology. The issues that frustrate me have to do with the music and style of worship.

So we are staying put. And I am left to ponder what God is teaching me with this experience.

“If you find yourself in a monastery, do not go to another place, for that will harm you a great deal. Just as the bird who abandons the eggs she was sitting on prevents them from hatching, so the monk or num grows cold and their faith dies when they go from one place to another.” - Amma Syncletica

Who said this? This quote is from a 4th century desert mother. During this early period of Christianity, men and women began to live in the deserts of Egypt and the Holy Land. Ammas or wise mothers focused on the love of God in daily living. Their intention was to practice regular times of silence, solitude and stillness. At the same time they sought balance with companionship with other seekers, hospitality, and tolerance.

Amma Syncletica promoted faith by staying put. A person finding the right place was not to flit from one community to another. The desert way for spirituality is to grow deep roots, not shallow ones. Even though I am restless, I do want my spiritual roots to reach deep and not remain shallow and vulnerable.

Often restless people with their constant moving are actually running from truth about themselves. Something for all of us to think about.

I like her reference to a bird sitting on her eggs. The eggs look like nothing is happening. The hard shell blocks all sight into the developing life. The temptation is to fly away.

The ordinariness of daily spiritual practices – prayer, bible study and even staying at the same church – is like sitting on those eggs. The eggs die if they are not tended and kept warm. We often miss the deepness of what the Spirit is showing us when we constantly move from one interest to another instead of focusing on what God is putting right in front of our eyes.

So I am nurturing my current nest right now. I am going to listen and reflect and wait for clarity and wisdom - a much more difficult choice than to fly away. These eggs won’t hatch overnight, but I am learning that staying put is tending new life in the eggs found in the nest that God has given me.

What Sustains You?

The July issue of Sojourners Magazine asks various people the question: What sustains you? What keeps you refreshed for the journey to justice?
The answers have been interesting. Richard Rohr writes, “my daily and primary practice is contemplation.” Other answers include centering prayer, prayer of examen, community, saying thank you, Bible reading, and retreats.

So far no one has mentioned keeping a journal. Though journal keeping can be a form of prayer, I find it is so much more.

A spiritual journal is different from a regular journal. It is a written record of personal reactions to spiritual matters. Many people have discovered that writing down their thoughts and feelings helped them clarify some of the basic questions they were asking about life. "What’s it all about?" "What am I doing here?", "What does God want me to become," "Where does God want me to serve."
Journal writing gives us the time to think through and clarify our beliefs. Writing in a journal helps us be more honest with ourselves. A journal is a helpful way of keeping up with our spiritual journey. Writing helps us to clarify the difference between the world’s concerns and God’s concerns

Benefits of Keeping a Spiritual Journal

~ clarifies one's understandings of the nature and will of God
~ organizes one's thoughts
~ gives one a chance to play with ideas
~ brings out thoughts that might never have occurred to one otherwise
~ records spiritual thoughts and realizations one has, so they're not forgotten
~ forces one to take time out on a regular basis to sit with God and make some sense of life (sometimes we're so busy living life that we don't take time to get perspective)
~ makes a record of one's spiritual growth, kind of like pencil marks on the kitchen doorway of one's spiritual life
~ helps one to keep a balance between head and heart
~ can help one to know oneself better.

Putting something in writing is a powerful tool for our hopes, dreams, discernment and struggles.

Gordon McDonald writes, “I became aware, little by little, that God's Holy Spirit was directing my thoughts and insights as I wrote. On paper, the Lord and I were carrying on a personal communion. He was helping me, in the words of David, to 'search my heart'. He was prodding me to put words to my fears, shapes to my doubts. And when I was candid about it, then there would often come from Scripture or from the meditations of my own heart, the reassurances, the rebukes and admonitions that I so badly needed. But this began to happen only when journaling was employed." [Ordering your Private World.]


Keeping a journal is my favorite floatation device in the storms of life
What spiritual discipline sustains you?

The Blessings of Two New Girls

Our family grew by two girls this past week. Kyla Eve arrived June 5 and I wrote about her in the previous blog posting.

But now it is time to welcome Mandy into our family.

My son Brian proposed to Mandy in the infield at batting practice of the Chicago White Sox on June 6th. Mandy bravely (and as his mother I do say bravely) accepted.

I am thankful to God for Mandy, but she does not know I have prayed for her for many, many years - even before I knew her name.

I remember when Brian was a toddler, maybe two or three, nestled in my arms for a nap. That probably was the first prayer. I envisioned another mother someplace with a tiny girl sleeping in her arms – Brian’s future wife – and I lifted her up in prayer.

Mothers, recall the excitement and tears of that first day of school? Another moment of prayer for the little girl someplace experiencing her first day of school.

T-ball games? 4-H camps? Proms? Driving tests? High School graduation? All times evoking prayer for his future life partner.

How did I pray? I prayed for protection, wisdom, and Godly friends. I asked that she chose wisely and learn to laugh and to love. I wanted her to develop a heart of compassion and the eyes to see Christ in others. Most importantly, I wanted her to know God and how much God loved her.

Once I met Mandy, I prayed her name. I asked the Lord to be part of Brian and Mandy’s relationship and to guide their love.

“The Mother-in-law Manual – 10 Commandments for Extraordinary Mothers-in-law” is a book proposal I wrote a few year back. One of the commandments is: “Thou shalt adopt your child’s spouse as your own.” My heart has adopted Mandy through prayer.

Daughter-in-law – I have never liked that word. When God adopts us as His children, we are not in-laws or as many call it “out-laws,” we become a part of Him.

Mandy - you are a member of this family now. I have not only a new granddaughter, but a grand-new-daughter also.

God's Whoosh

Did you hear it? That loud whooshing noise last Friday, June 5th?

At the exact moment of my new granddaughter’s birth, with her first intake of air, Kyla Eve stole my heart. Love for this new child swiftly gushed into my core and changed me forever.

Other grandparents warned me. “You will love being a grandparent.”
“There is nothing like it in the whole world.”
“You will be amazed. “

I pooh-pawed them, thinking I knew better. After all I am in control. I know what to expect. What a fool I am!

Whoosh! Love exploded triggering a chain reaction. Every instinct inside me wants to protect her, love her, and see her daily.
Whoosh! God longs to protect us, love us and be with us with His exploding love.

Whoosh! My arms ache to hold her, to touch her.
Whoosh! God’s arms surround us, even as we tug to pull away.

Whoosh! I want the best for her as she grows and anticipate joyous times together.
Whoosh! God yearns for our best and showers us with joyous, often unrecognized blessings.

Thank you, Lord for this new life. I think Kyla will teach me quite a bit about Your love.

A Healthy Prayer Life

As an RN I know health is more than the absence of disease. Seeking a healthy lifestyle requires an intentional daily choice to balance health habits in nutrition, exercise, sleep and attitude.

Seeking a healthy prayer lifestyle is similar to health- choosing intentionally each day to balance a prayer life with a variety of holy habits.

Good nutrition relies on more than one food group. A health prayer life tastes a variety of prayers. I used to only repeat prayers my mother taught me and send up millions of requests to God. The last few years I expanded my prayer experience with centering prayer, journaling, and prayers from the Bible and other Christians. My favorite Bible prayer is “I do believe, help my unbelief "(Mark 9:24) and I often just quietly repeat Thomas Aquinas’ simple prayer of “My Lord, My God.”

Exercise is vital to good health including prayer life. I can’t just talk about prayer, I actually spend time talking and listening to God. The experience of praying, setting regular time aside and creating a space for silence opens up my heart to the Spirit.

The body needs rest and so does the soul. I have learned that resting with God through silence, solitude, and the regular practice of going on retreat renews my spirit.

Attitude is always important for a healthy prayer life. It is not me, not about me and nothing I do. It is all God and only God. By spending time with Him in prayer I become less me-centered and more God-centered. I am more aware of what I need to let go and what keeps me from Him.

God gives us the wonderful gift of prayer in order to be closer to Him and to be more like Him. Hard to refuse that type of gift, isn’t it?

Teach Me To Listen Prayer

I am traveling with my daughter, Valerie, to Stratford Canada this week and seeing six plays. So in lieu of a regular post, here is one of my favorite prayers. May you have a blessed week.

Teach me to listen, O God,
To those nearest me,
My family, my friends my co-workers,
Help me to be aware that
No matter what words I hear,
The message is
“Accept the person I am. Listen to me.”

Teach me to listen, my caring God,
To those far from me –
The whisper of the hopeless,
The plea of the forgotten,
The cry of the anguished.

Teach me to listen, O God my Mother,
To myself.
Help me to be less afraid
To trust the voice inside –
In the deepest part of me

Teach me to listen, Holy Spirit,
For your voice-
In busyness and in boredom,
In certainty and in doubt,
In noise and in silence.

Teach me, Lord, to listen. Amen

- adapted from St Ignatius by John Veltri SJ